Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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