new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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