I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
