Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
