1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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