Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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