I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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