I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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