I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
