That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
