just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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