you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
