Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
