i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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