I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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