i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
