Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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