Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
