I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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