Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
