Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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