My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it was like eating out sand paper
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
