I wish you could order shots online.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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