First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
