she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
