sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
