I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
