I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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