i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
