Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
