i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
