The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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