i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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