So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
