I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
