She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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