so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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