I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
