Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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