The maid of honor just puked.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
