I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
