Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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