i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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