I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
