You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
