did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
