Pants 0. Shit 1.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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