I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
