I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
