Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
