i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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